I've been running around so much... always busy, mom of 4 kids, working full time with a stressful job of finance director, wife, crafter when I can to escape it all. The past 2 years have been extra stressful at work and I kept on going because that's what you do you keep on plowing ahead. That's what strong people do. They get through this. I helped keep my team motivated and going even if there were times when I wasn't sure. And then after the past 2 years this summer I started having insomnia... big time... and nightmares...
I got some sleeping aids... but even with that it wasn't enough and finally after giving it my all, I broke down. After 3 days of tears at work, my colleagues got super worried and asked me to consult someone. The hardest thing I have EVER done in my life so far. It felt like I was a failure... how could I crack like this. It was this past September about the time that Robin William's took his life.
My kids and hubby were super worried. I gave them my word that I would seek help and promised that I would get through this. I was diagnosed with exhaustion and depressive humor...
I've been off from work since then. I've gotten help from a therapist and the doctor. I was starting to feel better before the holidays and actually thought that after the holidays I would be back to work and my regular life.... but that wasn't meant to happen yet.
Holidays are stressful time to most and at this point in time I was more fragile I guess. The tiredness brought out some old pains and skeletons that I thought were buried came back out. Instead of being better as I had expected I got worst and plunged into a full fledged major depression. If it hadn't been for my kids and hubby and my promise to them I wouldn't be here today. I'm not used to feeling useless and this was a really really hard thing to be over the holidays.
Depression is a sickness, but unlike others it doesn't show on the outside how badly you are feeling inside. So I stopped sleeping again and without sleep it was getting much worst. However the good thing is that I was already being followed medically so I'm getting the help that is needed to get better.
I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster right now and soooo want to get off! Some days are ok and others are really bad. I just have to be patient with myself and give myself the time to heal. But it's not easy when you are a mom and used to being busy and taking care of others.
What is worst is that I have absolutely no reason to feel depress... I have a great life and health (other than the depression). There are so many out there that have it so much worst then me. I know that and it makes it feel worse because it makes me feel like I'm weak and useless.
But I know that I will make it through! And you know what? You guys are one of the big reason that I will make it through! I've kept on crafting because that's probably one of the few lights in my life right now. The dts are a reason why I keep on crafting... and I get up and take a shower and do a semi life! Your friendship and support means so very much.
I was totally BLOWN away this week when I started getting thinking of you cards from fellow crafters! This community rocks big time. I can't believe how fabulous you all are taking time for another crafter to say you care!!! I mean I do it... but never thought EVER that I would be on the receiving end. Your hugs mean soooo much. I haven't met any of you in person but this community just is so caring and warm. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I really felt that you guys deserved an explanation as to why I haven't been my normal bubbly self... I haven't been much online either. And can't believe I only posted 43 times in January... I usually do over 70 in a month.
Here are the fabulous warm hugs that I have received from all over the world!!!! WOW how blessed am I?!? How lucky and totally undeserving but thank you! I just had to share the great artwork!!! I'm speechless!!! (ok not quite it's been a long post)
I mean how can one ever say enough thank you for fabulous creations such as those?!?
Thank you sooooo very much ladies!!!
I hope that this post will help others to seek help and not feel it's weak... but more a sign of how strong you are to get out of this! As my therapist said to me suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary issue.
So now here's to hoping the temporary ends soon... lol But THANK YOU sooooo much for your support and hugs! Love you guys.
I hope that my career won't be affected by this post... but then again depression needs to be talked about because so many need help and it's still seen as so a weakness to get the help. This is my part to help make it better for others!!!!